Episode 30: Rudella Bismarck #5
It had been two days since Yohan and Rudella sought shelter in the cave.
Despite initially struggling to sleep on the leafy bedding laid out on the cave floor, Rudella seemed to have adjusted enough to get some rest.
“How are you feeling?”
Yohan asked as he returned from outside. His deep blue eyes seemed distant and weary, yet there was a peculiar allure in his expression that momentarily took Rudella’s breath away.
“I’m fine… but…”
Struggling to steady herself, Rudella cast a worried glance at Yohan’s face and abdomen. His wounds were worsening.
“Are you alright? Your face looks pale.”
“I’m fine. I’ve managed to stop the bleeding properly.”
Yohan set down two rabbits he had caught near the campfire before leaning against the cave wall.
“More rabbits, I see.”
“They’re the easiest to catch and nutritious enough.”
Catching something like a boar wouldn’t be worth the trouble, and in this environment, fruit was hard to come by.
“Just bear with it a little longer.”
“I’ve never complained…”
“But you seem to be getting tired of rabbit.”
Yohan chuckled faintly, a bright smile appearing on his pale, exhausted face.
“…”
Seeing his smile made her want to smile in return. Rudella bit back her feelings, forcing herself to look away. Her ears were flushed bright red.
“…Only three days left now.”
Awkwardly steering the conversation, Rudella glanced away. Yohan, who had been resting his eyes, turned to her.
“Indeed.”
“What’s the plan?”
“For now, we wait.”
“And then?”
“Then we’ll make our position known.”
When Rudella tilted her head slightly, Yohan elaborated.
“The officials tracking our movements will discover the destroyed bridge. That will naturally lead them to inspect the cliffs here. When that happens, we’ll make our move.”
Rudella nodded slowly in understanding.
“I see…”
“Please bear with the frustration for just a little longer. It’s for Lady Bismarck’s safety.”
“I understand.”
With that, Yohan gave her a small, sincere smile. Despite his pale, haggard appearance, the decadent charm radiating from his face made her heart race uncontrollably.
“Ahem.”
Rudella cleared her throat, trying to suppress her emotions, but the turmoil in her chest refused to settle.
Feeling the heat rise in her ears again, Rudella quickly turned her head, brushing her wrist nervously. Every time she met his gaze, her heart seemed to beat faster.
It was an unfamiliar and awkward sensation, but strangely, she didn’t dislike it.
The unfamiliar fluttering in her chest, the sweet, pounding rhythm—it was oddly comforting.
Crackle, crackle.
The sound of the firewood breaking filled the silence of the cave.
Yohan, staring at the fire, suddenly spoke to break the awkward atmosphere.
“Lady Bismarck, do you have any hobbies?”
His tone was cautious, as if worried he might have broached the wrong topic.
“Hobbies, huh…”
Rudella, staring blankly at the space beyond the flickering fire, rested her chin on her hand. Her sky-blue eyes shimmered faintly in the firelight.
“I’ve never had the time for such things. As the Crown Princess, I was busy handling official duties and learning what I needed to.”
For a moment, the flickering fire cast shadows across Rudella’s face, making it appear darker. Her words carried a weary undertone, though she seemed numb to it herself.
“My fate as a future Empress never allowed me time. Each day was a battle of managing affairs and learning how to serve the sovereign.”
Yohan, sensing the heavy atmosphere, attempted to lighten the mood with another question.
“Not even during your childhood or your days at the academy?”
“Even then, I had to balance my studies with my duties.”
“Then how do you relieve stress from work and study?”
“…Is that something that must be relieved?”
Rudella tilted her head slightly, her voice indifferent as she blinked her eyes slowly.
“Well… no.”
Her response left Yohan momentarily speechless. She genuinely looked as though she didn’t understand. It was as if she had never even recognized the concept of “stress” before.
“The more I get to know her, the more I understand why Rudella turned out this way.”
When people are subjected to extreme stress, they inevitably break. And the shattered pieces of their emotions are often reassembled in distorted ways.
Rudella Bismarck’s cold and ruthless nature, as depicted in the story, likely stemmed from this unending oppression and solitude.
“…I believe it’s good to release stress. It’s one of the main reasons people fall ill.”
At Yohan’s words, Rudella quietly looked at him. Her eyes reflected the flickering firelight, trembling slightly.
“How?”
“Well…”
Yohan scratched his chin, pondering. He realized it was difficult to suggest any particular hobby or activity to her. Given the circumstances, a simple answer would be best.
“Try doing a variety of things and pick something you find enjoyable. Perhaps something you’ve always been curious about.”
Rudella nodded slightly, absentmindedly stroking her chin as if deep in thought.
“…But I’ve only ever focused on studies and duties. I haven’t had the time or the opportunity to explore other things.”
“Ah.”
Yohan closed his eyes. He realized he had spoken carelessly. Rudella had never been given the luxury of such choices.
“…I apologize. I spoke without thinking.”
“It’s fine. I find it amusing even as I say it myself.”
Rudella gazed at the campfire and smiled faintly. There was a touch of melancholy in her smile.
“…I’m worried about you, Lady Bismarck.”
“Why is that?”
“You seem like someone who is… broken.”
Rudella blinked, quietly taking in his words. A brief silence passed.
“Oh, I don’t mean it as an insult. It’s more that your emotions and sensitivity seem… damaged, if that makes sense.”
The two most important aspects of a person: immediate emotional responses and the accumulation of those emotions into a deeper sense of sensitivity.
Rudella seemed to have lost both.
“Hmm. That might be true.”
She merely laughed softly, a self-deprecating smile that showed she had accepted her own broken state.
“I may not be able to help you, but I must say this.”
“What is it?”
“If you continue to live this way, one day you’ll truly break beyond repair.”
“…Break, you say.”
His serious tone made Rudella tighten her arms around her knees, her expression stiffening.
“Well, don’t take it too seriously. Just think of it as me meddling. After all, I’m not in a position to take responsibility for you.”
Rudella smiled faintly, the corners of her eyes curving.
“Couldn’t you take responsibility for me?”
“…What?”
Yohan’s face froze in shock. For a moment, the faint scent of lilies seemed to waft toward him.
Even in this damp cave, the fragrance surrounding her lingered, undiminished.
“I’m asking you to take responsibility for me.”
What is she talking about? Yohan’s eyes widened. He was at a loss for words.
“Haha, I’m just joking.”
Rudella laughed softly at Yohan’s reaction, absentmindedly stroking her wrist. It was an unconscious act to hide her strange fluttering emotions.
“I didn’t expect you to make such jokes.”
“Is that a problem?”
“Not a problem, just… unexpected.”
It was unfamiliar. Who would have thought that someone like her, someone he ranked as a top-priority threat alongside the Crown Prince and Cassis, would make such a joke in a situation like this?
Rudella spoke again.
“Didn’t you tell me earlier to think of a way to relieve stress? I think this is it right now.”
“Right now?”
“Yes. Having this simple conversation with you is enjoyable. It’s strange, but I feel something peculiar.”
She buried her lips against her drawn-up knees. Her reddened ears betrayed her embarrassment.
“In that case, call for me whenever you feel stressed. Didn’t you say you’d summon me often?”
“I’d like to, but unfortunately, unless it’s related to official duties, I don’t have the time.”
“You’ve misunderstood. Time isn’t something you’re given—it’s something you make.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
Yohan looked up at the cave ceiling and added,
“You have to be resourceful. Just say you’re taking a brief tour around the capital and assign me as your escort.”
“Wouldn’t that be… deceiving others?”
“That’s one way to create time. What harm is there in deceiving them a little if it doesn’t inconvenience anyone?”
When Yohan smiled brightly and gazed at her with his blue eyes, Rudella quickly averted her gaze.
“…I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Please do. Don’t forget.”
As the conversation ended, an awkward silence settled over them. The air felt heavier, prompting Rudella to murmur quietly.
“It’s getting colder.”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
Rain had just fallen, leaving the surroundings damp and lowering the temperature. Yohan stood up and moved to sit beside her.
“Take my hand.”
“…Your hand?”
“It’s a simple life spell.”
Yohan smiled lightly and extended his hand. Rudella hesitated, but when he gently held her hand first, a faint current passed through her fingertips.
“Ah…”
The sensation of Yohan’s touch left Rudella momentarily breathless. His hands, though rough, were unexpectedly soft and warm.
When she realized his half-relaxed blue eyes were fixed on her, Rudella’s heart raced uncontrollably. She tried to hide her trembling hand by gripping it firmly, but her mind refused to calm.
As Yohan’s gentle gaze met hers, the pounding in her chest only grew louder.
“I’m glad to see you’re warm.”
Yohan’s cheerful smile left her momentarily unable to breathe.
“…Thank you.”
Crackle, crackle.
The campfire flickered softly.
“By the way, is it safe to use magic? Weren’t you worried about being tracked?”
“It should be fine after some time. Still, it’s better not to overdo it, just in case.”
Holding Rudella’s hand, Yohan looked at the flickering flames of the campfire.
“It does feel warm like this.”
His words carried a subtle warmth that seeped into her. The faint scent of rain and earth lingered around him.
At first, the warmth from his hand felt unfamiliar, but Rudella gradually found herself relaxing into it.
Half-closing her eyes, she stole a glance at Yohan’s profile. Her heart continued to race.
“……”
Then, she leaned in slightly, resting her head on Yohan’s shoulder.
Yohan flinched for a moment but didn’t push her away.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Rudella’s heart pounded wildly.
Was it the fire that made her body heat up, or was it something else entirely?
She didn’t know if what she felt was exhilaration or simple comfort. But she decided she didn’t need to define it.
For now, she just wanted to enjoy this calm and quiet moment.
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