Episode 36: Midterm Exams (6)
I was never the type to have a good personality. No, to be honest, I was closer to having a bad one.
Since childhood, fistfights had been a part of my daily life. I fought often, and once a fight started, I made sure to see it through to the end.
Thanks to that, I even earned the rather cute nickname of “fight-holic.”
I was endlessly generous to those I considered my people.
But to those who weren’t?
I saw no reason to be kind.
Perhaps it was the military that made me abandon this black-and-white thinking. Around that time, I learned to suppress my anger and pretend to be good.
Because there, I had no people of my own.
And the old man had already seen through this nature of mine.
That day, training wasn’t going well.
It wasn’t that my body was sluggish or my mind was clouded, yet for some reason, everything felt off.
My spear didn’t extend as I intended, and my balance was unsteady.
In the end, I cleared my head and started destroying the training dummies.
As if erasing my thoughts, as if shedding my emotions, I swung my spear relentlessly.
Not just one or two.
By the time I had shattered about 200 in a row, the ruined training ground had fallen into silence.
Splintered wood drifted in the air before slowly settling onto the ground.
Broken remnants were scattered all around me. My fingertips trembled with a searing heat.
I let out a deep breath and gripped my spear even tighter.
This wasn’t enough.
The demonic human were strong. Especially those at the officer level—they were nothing less than monsters in human form.
Could I stand at the forefront of my comrades and lead them like this?
‘Can I protect them?’
I asked myself over and over again.
‘I can’t say I don’t understand.’
How long had I been lost in thought?
A quiet voice came from behind me.
I slowly turned my head.
It was the old man.
“…Ah, you’re here.”
I tried to maintain my composure, but such efforts were meaningless in front of him.
He knew me too well. He had already seen through the emotions tangled within my eyes.
“…You don’t have to suppress your anger completely.”
He closed his eyes.
“After all, that too is a part of you.”
I silently mulled over his words.
I don’t have to suppress it…?
I sat down, closed my eyes, and looked inward.
Deep within me, where incomplete emotions swirled.
A ceaselessly boiling rage, born from my own inadequacy.
And somewhere within it, a fatigue-laced sense of helplessness.
I had always whipped myself forward, suppressing both.
“Anger is a useless emotion. Anxiety and hesitation are weaknesses.”
That’s what I had believed.
So rather than managing myself, I had focused on suppressing my emotions.
But… was that really the right way?
If the old man was right, if suppression wasn’t necessary—
Then maybe I should embrace it instead.
I took a deep breath.
And in that moment, I faced my emotions as they were.
Hot and cold, overwhelming and hollow.
Yet, contrary to my expectations, they didn’t try to control me.
Slowly, I attuned myself to them.
Neither suppressing nor denying them. Just letting them flow.
Not letting them run wild, but not discarding them entirely, either.
I wasn’t some frenzied beast,
Nor was I a monk who could endure all things.
I had emotions.
But I would not be ruled by them.
I opened my eyes.
My entire body was drenched in sweat.
Looking around, I realized that three days had passed.
The old man stood behind me.
His eyes were closed.
“…You’ve been through a lot.”
With that short remark, he turned away.
Then, just as he reached the door, he added—
“And congratulations.”
I remained seated, my gaze fixed on the message floating before me.
[You have acquired 『Unwavering Clarity <Mingjing Zhishui>』.]
This…
This was why they called me a Phantom God (鬼神).
***
As soon as the countdown ended, Yohan moved. He drew his sword from his waist and pointed it at me.
As if he truly believed himself to be a hero.
“You should’ve been more careful.”
The corners of his mouth curled into a loose smirk.
With the cheers and shouts from the audience behind him, he looked down at me.
Ever since I had mastered Universal Perception, I had forgotten what it meant to be emotionally swayed.
Whether positive or negative—no emotion could shake me.
“It happens sometimes.” he continued, lightly swinging his sword.
“Accidents in duels. Someone dying, that is.”
Even at such a cheap provocation, I should have remained indifferent.
And yet—
‘What is this?’
For a moment, I was confused.
Something within me, something that had been completely in balance, was trying to rise to the surface.
My fingertips clenched instinctively. A chill ran down my neck.
What was this feeling?
I instinctively searched within myself.
‘…Am I—’
And at that moment, I realized.
Could it be—
‘I’m angry?’
It had been so long that I hadn’t even recognized it.
Like sludge rising from the depths of a stagnant swamp, thick and murky—
Slowly but surely, it was consuming me.
Was it since that fragment? Or was it after that dream?
I had felt that my emotional control wasn’t what it used to be lately,
But this was the first time I had felt such a strong surge.
Then, Yohan lowered his sword and spoke.
“Do you even know whose you’re messing with?”
I narrowed my eyes slightly.
Ah.
So this is it?
That single sentence sent something inside me into a frenzy.
I considered Cheon Yeoul as one of my own.
She was a character I had created, and I had treated her with the affection she deserved.
And now, Yohan was trying to take her from me. Treating her like a mere tool, attempting to claim her as his.
So, naturally—
I was angry.
It was an obvious reaction, but until now, I hadn’t been feeling such things properly.
Ironically, my mind felt clearer.
This, too, was my emotion—so I would accept it.
A faint smirk tugged at my lips.
At that moment, Yohan pulled his sword back and unleashed a surge of mana.
His body accelerated in an instant.
My vision expanded.
The manifestation of Unwavering Clarity —
A state of absolute perception.
Where would he attack? The answer was obvious.
The front. Because he saw himself as a hero.
I shifted my spear lightly in my grip.
Clang!
I intercepted his attack precisely in its path.
Neither of us took a step back.
A clash of brute force erupted in an instant.
Blade and spear locked, each trying to overpower the other.
Yohan poured his mana into his sword, pushing with sheer strength.
‘This level…’
But I had already gauged his limits.
Yohan’s brow twitched. The relaxed expression on his face was slowly being replaced by one of confusion.
I could feel a faint tremor in his hands through my fingertips.
His sword wavered.
In that instant, he narrowed his eyes-then forcefully twisted his sword and took a step back.
The moment he realized he was being pushed back, he immediately tried to widen the distance.
And that was his mistake.
I used the recoil from his movement to spin my body, pulling a spear from my waist and launching it straight at him.
-Whoosh!
A sharp tearing sound split the air.
The spear, aimed precisely at his head, forced him to react in shock. He hurriedly raised his sword and deflected it.
For a brief moment, a smirk reappeared on his lips.
Perhaps he thought he had gained the upper hand now that my spear was gone.
But that was an opening.
I had no intention of dragging this fight out.
The very instant he deflected the spear, I threw myself forward.
I swiftly raised the smartwatch wrapped around my wrist, gripping it like a makeshift knuckle guard.
-Thud!
And that knuckle guard struck his side-squarely and without hesitation.
“Urk!”
Yohan’s mouth opened, but he couldn’t even let out a proper groan.
A cloud of dust rose into the air.
I had no intention of stopping.
I struck the same spot again-this time, harder.
-Crunch!
The impact sank in deeper.
Through the back of my hand, I felt the sensation of his bones breaking.
Yohan’s body twisted violently.
Out of reflex, he swung his sword at me-but his eyes were unfocused, and his strength had already left him.
There was no power behind his swing.
I simply tilted my head slightly to avoid his blade.
And then-my fist, still wrapped in the knuckle guard, slammed into his face.
-Smash!
Blood splattered as Yohan’s head snapped backward.
For a brief moment, his body was lifted off the ground.
And then-
-Boom!
He was thrown harshly onto the floor. But I didn’t stop there.
I climbed on top of him as he collapsed.
-Smash!
And then, once more, I drove my fist into his face.
-Beep!!
The sound of the match-ending signal rang throughout the arena.
I paused momentarily.
When I opened my eyes, Yohan’s body had already been flung out of the ring.
A disqualification loss for him, and a disqualification victory for me.
‘So that’s how it is.’
I didn’t particularly care.
My bloodstained fist crashed down on Yohan’s face like a hammer.
-Bang!
His head bounced off the cracked tiles from the impact.
Teeth scattered, clattering against the floor along with droplets of blood.
I dusted off my hands and stood up.
The metal watch wrapped around my fingers had been completely crushed beyond recognition.
I roughly unwrapped the broken remains and tossed them onto the ground.
I looked around.
The audience was silent.
An awkward stillness.
No one said a word; they simply stared at me.
Then, the announcer stammered out-
“Th-The winner is… Jung Haein!”
And at that moment-
-WAAAAAAAHHH!!
An explosive cheer erupted.
I raised a hand to my ear, blocking out some of the noise.
Too loud.
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