Episode 123: Ex-Wife #5
Yohan’s deep, dark eyes pierced through Rudbeckia as if seeing right through her.
Just meeting his gaze made it hard to breathe, and without realizing it, Rudbeckia turned her head away.
However, Yohan’s eyes never let go of her.
“Um, what is it…?”
Rudbeckia fidgeted with her fingers, unsure of what to do. A blush spread across her pale face, turning it red. Her body stiffened from tension.
Her heart pounded wildly. Even after marriage, she had always felt flustered around Yohan, and now, seeing him after so long, it was even worse.
With every breath she took, emotions she didn’t want to reveal surged within her.
It felt as though the moment this ended, everything would disappear.
“I will ask again. Is there truly nothing that comes to your mind when you see me?”
When no answer came, Yohan assumed Rudbeckia hadn’t heard him and asked once more.
Rudbeckia parted her lips slightly. She couldn’t understand why Yohan was asking such a question.
Could it be… that he retained memories from before the regression?
‘That can’t be possible… can it?’
Did Francia Fervache tell him? No, that wasn’t possible. She, too, was bound by the celestial mage’s rules.
Then… could something have caused Yohan to inherit memories when she regressed?
The runes in the regression spellbook were too complex for her to fully understand, but such a possibility was nearly nonexistent.
If that were the case, then when Francia Fervache regressed, Yohan should have remembered something as well.
“…Is it difficult for you to answer?”
“No, it’s not that… it’s just…”
“Just?”
Rudbeckia lowered her head deeply. She bit her lips and clenched her hands into fists.
There was no way nothing came to mind.
Memories stacked upon memories.
Moments spent with him, too vivid to forget.
The times when she had truly fallen for him.
In the middle of winter. There was no magic to keep them warm, but she insisted on having tea in the garden for the atmosphere.
Even when she was being stubborn, he didn’t get angry. Instead, he quietly draped his coat over her shoulders, saying it was cold.
At a noble party in the capital. She had been subtly looked down upon by other noble ladies for being from a border nobel family.
But Yohan, unfazed, casually let slip remarks that skillfully humiliated them.
When she wanted to give him a handkerchief embroidered by her own hand.
She had practiced countless times, but the patterns kept turning out wrong, so she hid it away in frustration.
Yet Yohan, finding it, told her that what mattered was the sentiment behind it and cherished it dearly.
When their marriage was practically forced through coercion.
He had every reason to resent the Freeche family, yet he worked tirelessly to protect the estate and improve himself.
So many memories surfaced.
She wanted to tell him everything.
But she couldn’t.
She had no way of knowing what consequences would come from revealing the truth.
After all, this was a warning from the celestial mage, someone who could twist causality and even reverse time.
Ignoring such a warning out of mere sentimentality was far too terrifying a risk.
Forcing herself to suppress the overwhelming emotions, Rudbeckia mustered an awkward smile.
She didn’t want him to see her looking sad.
“…No, nothing really comes to mind.”
Though she was smiling, her face looked sorrowful, as if she might break into tears at any moment.
She had deceived Yohan.
Of course, this wasn’t the first lie she had told him, but this time… it was a secret she would have to carry for the rest of her life.
Perhaps that was why—
Her heart ached, unbearably so.
Would he ever know?
That the woman standing before him had longed for him so desperately that she crossed even the bounds of time to see him again?
No, he would never know. He could never know.
The only ones aware of this truth were herself, who had defied causality and become a sinner against the world, and Francia Fervache.
“…I see.”
Yohan pressed his lips together and gazed at the table in front of him.
He felt frustrated. When he looked at Rudbeckia, something tugged at his mind—something he should remember.
But he couldn’t grasp what it was.
Then, as he lifted his gaze to tell her she was free to leave—he lost his words.
“…”
Rudbeckia was smiling faintly.
But that smile was filled with sorrow.
Her eyes were full of longing, her gaze wistful.
She was looking at him as if she were remembering someone else.
Yohan hesitated, his lips parting slightly before closing again.
What could he even say?
Words were not enough to describe this tangled mess of emotions.
In the end, he exhaled quietly.
“I apologize. That was an odd question to ask. You may leave now, Lady Freeche. The interview is over.”
“…Alright.”
“You will start work next week. Your uniform will be prepared and sent to you, and your position is already arranged.”
“Yes, thank you.”
Rising from her seat, Rudbeckia once again smiled at him with that bittersweet expression.
“Then… I’ll see you next time, Yoha—no, Director.”
“…”
Rudbeckia left the office.
Yohan closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against his brow.
‘There’s something…’
Something he had forgotten.
Something he was supposed to remember.
“…Are you feeling unwell?”
Elena, who had been organizing documents and a tea set beside him, asked. Her eyes were filled with concern.
“No… It’s nothing. I just feel a bit tired.”
“Did you not sleep well?”
“…I’m not sure myself.”
A flood of information had entered his mind, yet he couldn’t confirm any of it. He just felt exhausted.
“My head feels a bit hot.”
“Why don’t you rest in the lounge? I’ll postpone your work for now.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
Yohan, whose eyes were half-closed, stood up and looked at Elena.
“You should rest too, Elena. I can’t just leave all the work to you while I take a break.”
“Oh, would that really be alright?”
Elena’s eyes gleamed with excitement. Her eyebrows and the corners of her lips lifted ever so slightly.
“Yes, you can leave early today. Besides, the work can’t proceed without me anyway.”
“Then I’ll take my leave! Thank you…!”
Though she was always composed and rigid, it seemed she couldn’t resist the temptation of an early finish.
Yohan tidied up the documents on his desk and, with his half-closed eyes, made his way to the lounge.
Even as he walked through the quiet corridor, the sensation of a headache lingered.
Seeing a doctor might help, but all he would hear was that he needed to eat well and get proper rest.
With symptoms like these, no clear diagnosis could be given.
Besides, Francia was the best healer in existence—there was hardly any reason to see a doctor.
Click.
Entering the lounge, Yohan slumped onto the spacious sofa and let his heavy eyelids close.
Though his mind was still filled with questions, he couldn’t find any answers. So, for now, he could only suppress them.
***
After finishing work for the day, Francia headed to her meeting place with Rudbeckia.
It was a coffeehouse on the outskirts of the capital.
Worried that someone might recognize her, she had even brought a mask.
“How did the interview at the purification Bureau go?”
Francia asked. Across from her, Rudbeckia, looking drained, held a teacup with a bitter smile.
“…It went well. I made a good impression on Yohan, too. He told me to prepare myself, as I could start working immediately next week.”
Clink.
Rudbeckia set her teacup down.
“But… something felt strange.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think Yohan is remembering something.”
Francia, who had been reaching for her teacup, froze mid-motion.
Her entire body stiffened as she looked at Rudbeckia with widened eyes.
“…What do you mean by that? What happened?”
“He asked me if I felt anything when I saw him.”
“…”
Francia narrowed her eyes.
Even if Yohan were to recall memories from before his regression, it wouldn’t be a problem.
Still, she was afraid—afraid that his feelings, his emotions toward her, might change.
Of course, if anyone knew how unwavering Yohan’s heart was, it was Francia herself.
But even the slightest possibility couldn’t be ignored.
After all, she wasn’t entirely without guilt.
“So, what happened?”
Francia’s voice was tense and low, her crimson eyes trembling.
“I just told him nothing came to mind.”
Rudbeckia slowly traced the surface of the table with her fingertips.
“I couldn’t tell him the truth. Who knows what might happen if we ignore the celestial mage’s warning?”
That was an undeniable truth.
If they weren’t careful, both of them might end up being sent back to their original timelines.
The fear of the unknown had a way of making people tremble.
“Yohan asked me if I remembered anything, and I told him I didn’t. That was the end of it.
He seemed to have something on his mind, but the interview concluded just like that.”
Anyone with a bit of awareness would have noticed.
Yohan had recalled something, but he didn’t know exactly what.
With the right trigger, he might remember everything…
“I’d rather he didn’t remember.”
At Rudbeckia’s murmur, Francia’s eyes widened as she stared at her.
“…Why? If Yohan regains his memories, you—”
“No, that’s not it.”
Rudbeckia shook her head.
“Before we came back, Yohan and I had a… broken beginning.
But now, I think things are better. This time, I can win Yohan’s heart through my own efforts, and he can give his love to me with sincerity.”
She let out a small, wistful smile as she gazed into the distance.
In her emerald eyes, a quiet longing flickered—memories that only she now carried.
“This way is better. This time, I can receive Yohan’s true feelings.”
“…”
Francia did not say anything, only parting her lips slightly.
She was honestly surprised. She had thought that, without a doubt, Rudbeckia would wish for Yohan to regain his memories…
Was I the only one acting like a child…?
Francia turned her head, closing her eyes. She felt embarrassed. She had once resolved to become a villainess if it meant staying by Yohan’s side, yet in the end, she was simply immature.
“…I’ll help you.”
With a firm expression, Francia struggled to meet Rudbeckia’s gaze.
“I’ll help make Yohan like you. But I can’t do too much—it might have the opposite effect.”
Rudbeckia let out a small laugh.
“That’s enough for me.”
***
Late at night.
After Francia had fallen asleep and even the servants had retired, the Lahart imperial mansion was shrouded in deep silence.
Yohan walked through the darkened corridors and quietly knocked on a door.
Knock, knock.
After knocking, he opened the door and stepped inside. Rudella, who had been leaning against the bed reading a book, lifted her head.
“Yohan?”
While she had been expressionless while reading, Rudella quickly brightened at the sight of him.
“What brings you here at this hour?”
“I just… wanted to see you.”
Yohan smiled faintly and sat on the bed.
“Well, I’m happy you came to see me. I wasn’t sleepy anyway.”
Rudella chuckled softly and gently caressed Yohan’s cheek with her delicate hand. Her touch was both tender and warm.
“You look tired. Can’t sleep?”
“Yeah. I kept tossing and turning, so I came here.”
“Well, sometimes it’s good to seek comfort.”
Rudella let out a quiet laugh before lightly sitting up. Then, without hesitation, she pulled Yohan into her embrace. Warmth seeped into him. Yohan relaxed and leaned into her arms.
Her soft, warm skin pressed against his face.
It felt cozy.
His mind grew drowsy, and his body relaxed.
As she stroked Yohan’s hair, Rudella whispered softly.
“I don’t know what’s keeping you up at night, but everything will be fine. Just look at me—I’m happy now that I’ve met you.”
At her words, Yohan let out a small chuckle.
“I’m glad… that you’re happy, Rudella.”
“Of course. You worried so much about that.”
Rudella’s fingers slowly ran through Yohan’s hair. Her warmth spread through him.
As she continued to stroke his hair, she murmured softly.
“Seems like you’re getting sleepy. If you want, we can sleep together.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Hehe, that’s true as well.”
Rudella smiled mischievously and pressed her red lips to Yohan’s forehead.
“I want to be loved too.”
At her playful remark, Yohan let out a quiet laugh and buried himself deeper into her embrace. Her sweet scent clouded his mind, making his rationality waver.
His fingertips brushed against her thigh. Rudella flinched slightly but did not pull away. His gentle touch traced a slow path upward.
“I love you, Rudella.”
With a small smile, Rudella wrapped her arms around Yohan’s neck and whispered in his ear.
“I love you too.”