Episode 118: Saint Yohan #4
Yohan remained silent.
To Raeliana, it felt as if time had stopped. Her breath hitched, and she fidgeted with her fingers. Fear, anxiety, and a faint glimmer of hope intertwined within her.
Logically speaking, there was no way she would receive a favorable response. After all, she had always treated Yohan as nothing more than a tool. That was why he despised her.
The impression she had left on him would not be reversed.
And yet, she still wanted to express her feelings to him. If not now, she felt as if she would never get another chance…
A cold weight settled in her chest. No matter how hard she tried to suppress it, regret and unease kept bubbling up.
“Your Highness.”
Yohan called out to her in a low voice.
“…Yes.”
Raeliana’s voice trembled slightly. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. If she did, she felt like she would already know what answer awaited her, and she wasn’t ready for that.
“I’m sorry.”
“…”
Of course. There was never going to be the answer she had hoped for. She had expected this. They were never on good terms to begin with. The very idea that he might accept her feelings was selfish on her part.
But then why?
Why did it hurt so much?
Was it because this was truly the end?
Because there was no changing anything now?
Raeliana’s chest tightened. She clenched the fabric of her dress in her hands. She bit her lip. It was fine. They were never that close anyway. This wouldn’t change anything in her daily life.
A single transparent tear traced down her cheek.
It was sorrow, melting away.
It wasn’t just about being rejected.
It was the fact that nothing in her life would change.
That nothing would ever change from this point forward.
And so, Raeliana was consumed by sorrow.
The disappointment she had always hidden deep in her heart finally overflowed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry. Haha. I must seem so strange, right? It’s not like we were close, and we haven’t even known each other that long… I’m sorry.”
Raeliana wiped at her tears. Her delicate fingers smeared her makeup as she tried to wipe them away.
“Hah, this isn’t what I intended. What a mess… I’m sorry… I don’t know why I keep crying…”
Lowering her head, she apologized again and again. She wanted to look at Yohan as she spoke, but she couldn’t lift her head. She didn’t want to show him her ruined face.
“You’re not strange.”
Then, Yohan spoke in a soft voice. Raeliana’s body stiffened. Cautiously, hesitantly, she lifted her gaze to him.
Yohan was smiling faintly.
“There’s no need to apologize for shedding tears. Your Highness is not strange. Nor is this wrong.”
He gently extended a handkerchief to her. With trembling fingers, she accepted it. There were no embroidered patterns on the fabric—just a simple handkerchief.
“You were honest with your feelings. They say pain is necessary for growth. If I have, in any way, been a catalyst for Your Highness’s growth, then that alone holds great meaning for me.”
Raeliana had always had a childish side. She was arrogant, often looking down on others. But not anymore. She had faced someone with sincerity for the first time.
“Though I cannot give you the answer you desire, please don’t lose the sincerity in your heart. Even if it isn’t me, there will be someone who walks the same path as you.”
As she wiped her tears with the handkerchief, Raeliana listened to his words in silence. His voice was warm. Her endless tears stopped, and even the hiccups welling up in her chest gradually subsided.
“Thank you for truly liking me and for expressing your feelings so openly. Just knowing that I was someone Your Highness sincerely loved makes me feel like a fortunate man.”
Yohan smiled gently.
At last, Raeliana looked at him properly. His expression was different from before. His voice was kind, and his gaze held no coldness.
Had expressing her feelings been the right choice after all?
He didn’t hate her.
“You really are…”
He could have coldly rejected her, considering all that she had done. Instead, he stayed, offering her a handkerchief and comforting her.
Raeliana let out a small laugh.
“Are you just saying this so I won’t resent you?”
“If that were the case, I wouldn’t have told you before that I disliked you.”
Yohan rose from his seat and gave her a polite, composed bow.
“I’ll be going now.”
“All right.”
Raeliana watched his retreating figure with a bittersweet smile.
They say first love never works out. And it made sense. She had been inexperienced and naïve. Yohan was the first man she had ever truly cared for, the first man she had loved.
‘Who would have thought it would end like this?’
Her smile deepened.
This experience would help her grow. It would make her more mature. So, she could not simply see this love as a source of pain. It had been a sincere feeling, a precious memory.
Raeliana waved toward Yohan’s fading silhouette.
“Goodbye.”
The one who awakened me—
My first love.
***
The long banquet had ended, and Yohan and Francia were on their way back to the Lahart Imperial Capital mansion.
“Haah. It’s been a while since I could relax like this.”
“Indeed. No matter how luxurious an inn may be, it still has its inconveniences.”
It wasn’t just the inn’s environment that made things uncomfortable. The fact that there were people in the neighboring rooms and a constant stream of guests made it impossible to truly relax.
Francia gazed into the air as she gently ran her fingertips along Yohan’s thigh.
“Hmm, now that there’s no one around to overhear us… we can share our love, can’t we?”
It wasn’t merely a question—it was an unspoken pressure. From the beginning, Yohan never really had the option to refuse. After all, Rudella had conceived a child first.
Of course, it wasn’t that Yohan disliked being with Francia. He enjoyed it. Who would refuse to be with the woman they love? He was just exhausted… because they did it too often.
But there was no way he could say that aloud.
“Of course…”
Yohan closed his eyes and nodded.
“Hehe. Good.”
Satisfied with his response, Francia smiled and entwined her fingers with his, locking their hands together.
“By the way, I saw you with Her Highness the princess. You seemed to be having a serious conversation… What were you two talking about?”
Even while she was with her friends, Francia had been secretly glancing at Yohan. Now that he had become the Duke of Lahart, approaching him wasn’t easy anymore—but one could never be too careful.
Yohan answered casually.
“Nothing too grand. Just a life consultation, I suppose?”
“Her Highness the princess came to you for life advice…?”
Francia tilted her head at the unexpected response.
“Everyone has worries they can’t easily talk about. The princess is no exception.”
“Hmm…”
Francia narrowed her eyes, staring intently at Yohan. Her ruby-red pupils gleamed as if they were piercing through him.
“Well, I suppose it wasn’t anything major. I was just wondering if that woman was trying to seduce you.”
“Nothing happened.”
Yohan responded calmly, but inwardly, he felt relieved. If he had mentioned what had truly happened with Raeliana, Francia might have exploded in rage and ordered the carriage to turn around.
“We’ve arrived.”
While they had been talking, the wheels of the carriage came to a stop. Looking outside the window, they could see the grand entrance of the Lahart mansion.
Yohan stepped out first and held out his hand to help Francia down. As she descended the steps, she smiled and placed a light kiss on his cheek.
“Thank you.”
“It’s nothing.”
After exchanging brief greetings with the guards at the gate, they entered the mansion.
Inside the lobby, Rudella stood at the center, dressed in a light gown, with the head butler and several attendants lined up behind her in formation.
“Welcome home, Duke. Lady Francia.”
—“Welcome home, Duke. Lady Francia.”
Since she was in front of the butler and attendants, Rudella maintained her formal demeanor and offered a respectful greeting.
“What’s all this?”
Yohan asked, puzzled. Rudella gave a small smile.
“I’ve appointed a new head butler. Now that this mansion officially belongs to a high-ranking noble, I thought it was necessary to establish some proper etiquette.”
Indeed, showing respect to the household head was an important matter. Since Rudella, the highest-ranking person in the mansion, conducted herself in such a manner, it was only natural that the butler and attendants would follow suit.
“Thank you, Rudella. As expected, you’re very thoughtful.”
“Hehe, I’ll accept that compliment in the form of a kiss later.”
Rudella’s gaze was filled with warmth as she looked at Yohan. Her slightly upturned lips carried a subtle air of affection.
“Ahem, Miss Rudella? I’m standing right here, you know.”
Francia narrowed her eyes and shot a sharp look at Rudella. She didn’t appreciate being treated as if she weren’t even present while Rudella flirted with Yohan.
“My apologies, Lady Francia. Welcome home.”
Even under Francia’s piercing gaze, Rudella simply smiled and offered a polite greeting. She could afford to be relaxed—after all, she was carrying Yohan’s child.
“…”
And that was precisely why Francia’s expression darkened. Her eyes grew sharper, and her lips tightened with irritation.
“The bathwater has been heated. If you’d like to have dinner, please let us know, and we’ll prepare it right away.”
Rudella’s eyes curved into gentle arcs as she smiled. Her expression was full of ease and confidence. No matter what Francia did, she could never win. Rudella was carrying Yohan’s child, after all.
There was no point in fighting any further—the outcome had already been decided. Francia turned her gaze back to Yohan.
“…Will you be bathing right away?”
“I think that would be best. The banquet hall was quite warm, and I sweated a bit.”
The banquet hall was bustling with people. Even though it was winter, the temperature was inevitably high.
“Then, I’ll guide you right away.”
Rudella smiled softly and linked arms with Yohan. Francia was on his other side, but she paid no attention to her.
“…”
“…”
The gazes of the two women clashed in the air. Sharp eyes met cold ones, creating a tense atmosphere that spread like an invisible force.
“Then, Francia, I’ll see you in a little while.”
“…Yes.”
At Yohan’s words, Rudella and Francia withdrew their gazes as if nothing had happened. The servants, who had stiffened at the strange tension, also seemed to relax slightly.
With gentle steps, Rudella led Yohan toward the bathroom.
“How’s your body?”
“I’m fine. The physician checks on me regularly, so there’s been nothing difficult.”
“And the morning sickness? You weren’t able to eat properly.”
“I’m just picking what I can handle and eating that.”
Rudella leaned her head against Yohan’s shoulder, softly caressing his arm with her fingertips.
“You don’t have to worry. The physician is always with me.”
“…I see.”
“If you’re really concerned, you could always give me a kiss.”
“I suppose so. You’ve worked hard managing the estate.”
Their steps halted in front of the bathroom. Yohan glanced around, confirming that no one was nearby, then pressed his lips against Rudella’s.
Their lips met softly, tongues entwining in a deep, sticky embrace. Their saliva mixed. Rudella rose onto her toes, arms wrapping around Yohan’s neck as she pressed herself against him.
It had been a while since they last shared a kiss, and Rudella found herself lost in the moment, longing for more. Her grip on him tightened, silently demanding more.
“This is as far as we go.”
Just as their kiss deepened, Yohan pulled away. Any more, and he might have ended up carrying her straight to the bedroom.
“How disappointing.”
Rudella licked her lips, savoring the lingering taste of his saliva. There was a hint of wine.
“If we go any further, I won’t be able to stop.”
“Fufu, you don’t have to stop, you know?”
“…But right now, it’s not the best time.”
Yohan smiled awkwardly before gently stroking Rudella’s hair and turning away.
“I’m going to wash up. I’ll come see you before bed, but if you’re tired, you can sleep first.”
Rudella shook her head.
“I’ll wait. I’ve missed you, after all.”
“Alright, then I’ll come find you soon.”
Yohan bent down, kissing Rudella lightly on the cheek before stepping into the bathroom.
“Fufu.”
Rudella traced her fingertips over the spot he had kissed, savoring the warmth. Her ears had turned a deep shade of red.
***
Having washed up and changed into a light dress, Francia was waiting for Yohan while sorting through the letters she had received.
Most were invitations—requests to attend social parties, debutante balls, or exclusive gatherings.
“The letters are always the same.”
Of course, Francia had no intention of attending any of them. The people sending these letters weren’t friends; they were merely aristocrats seeking the prestige of associating with Fervache’s brilliance. Why would she waste her time with them?
As she sifted through the letters—
“This is…?”
Her fingers froze at the sight of a familiar wax seal.
The emblem of House Freeche.
A crest she had seen countless times before her regression.
“No way…”
Francia felt her fingertips tremble as she carefully broke the seal and unfolded the letter.
The moment she saw the name written inside, her heart nearly stopped.
[Rudbeckia Freeche]
Beneath the cold, concise handwriting, a single line was written:
[Give me back my Yohan.]
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