Episode 58: The Second Confession
Her voice was as fragile as a flickering candle, yet it was filled with undeniable sincerity.
White snowflakes fell from the sky. Though the snow continued to settle on Rudella’s head, she did not step back.
Yohan was momentarily speechless. Her trembling voice and wavering eyes left a clear etched in his mind.
He hesitated but carefully held an umbrella over her. Rudella looked up at him quietly without saying a word.
“How long have you been standing here like this?”
“…Since the sun went down.”
That meant she had been here for quite some time in the bitter cold.
“If you came looking for me, you could have simply come inside…”
Yohan sighed, looking at her. Even amidst the harsh wind, her posture was stubbornly resolute, almost to the point of foolishness.
“If you wanted to see me, you could have sent a letter. Or simply called for me.”
Yohan fingers curled tightly into a fist. The cold air pierced deep into his lungs, but it was her gaze that shook him far more.
“I thought… you would dislike it.”
Rudella dropped her head, fists clenched. Her shoulders trembled slightly. Her flushed ears was visible, reddened not just from the cold.
“…I told myself I wouldn’t call you again, that I wouldn’t visit you anymore. I thought that if I appeared like this, it would burden you, that you would grow to hate me even more than you already do…”
Snow fell silently, blanketing the empty streets with its cold touch. The faint moonlight reflected off the snow, spreading gently into the darkness.
“If you were to hate me even more than you already do, I truly don’t think I could bear it… That’s why I couldn’t call for you so easily.”
A cold wind blew from somewhere, rustling the hem of his coat. The empty street was so quiet it felt as though time itself had stopped.
“…Do you not hate me?”
Struggling to suppress the emotions threatening to bubble up, Yohan forced himself to keep a calm tone.
“I said terrible things to you before. I ignored your feelings…”
Rudella smiled faintly, her silver hair catching the moonlight and glimmering softly beneath the falling snow.
“What reason could I possibly have to dislike you?”
Her sky-blue eyes trembled faintly. Perhaps because of the dark, snowy night, her gaze seemed even more sorrowful.
“You were the first to tell me to live for myself.”
For twenty years, Rudella had lived as nothing but a puppet of her family, and Yohan had been the one to worry for her and show her a new direction in life.
“You were the first to make me feel desire.”
To someone who had wanted for nothing, he gave her something worth seeking.
“You taught me longing, when I believed in nothing and expected nothing.”
To someone who had merely existed, following her family’s orders, he gave her something to wish for.
“…How could I possibly dislike you for that?”
He had shown her how to look at the distant stars and made her yearn to hold one in her hands.
“How could I hate the man I have truly come to love for the first time in my life?”
Yohan couldn’t help but feel conflicted. He had done nothing but hurt her, and yet Rudella still held onto her feelings for him.
“I apologize for what happened before. I never intended to insult you. I’m just clumsy when it comes to expressing my feelings…”
Without saying a word, Yohan reached out to her. Her pale, frozen cheek was icy to the touch.
“…It’s freezing out here.”
From his fingertips, pure warmth radiated as his magic gently spread to Rudella, thawing her frozen skin.
“Why are you smiling?”
When Rudella smiled faintly, Yohan’s expression hardened as he questioned her. How could she smile in a situation like this? Her intentions remained as elusive as ever.
“Because… I like your touch.”
The snowflakes falling between the branches were as soft and delicate as a whisper. The snow-covered world around them was both hazy yet clear.
“I like that you worry about me.”
When Yohan’s gaze met Rudella’s, who was blushing while looking at him, he felt his insides churn.
“…Lady Bismarck, I understand your feelings, but even if you come to me like this, I cannot return them.”
When Yohan spoke firmly, Rudella, who had been wearing a faint smile, slowly shook her head.
“I didn’t come here seeking a reward. I just… wanted to see you.”
Rudella hadn’t come seeking anything in return. Sincerely, purely, she had come only because she wanted to see Yohan.
If she kept avoiding him and turned away from her desires and yearning, she felt she would wither away completely.
Like someone deeply addicted to poisonous fog, she feared she would collapse and lose herself.
“Ha…”
Yohan let out a deep sigh. To be honest… he felt his heart waver. If it weren’t for Francia, he might have completely fallen for Rudella.
“…What should I do with you?”
Unable to hide his frustration, Yohan swept his bangs back. Rudella’s lips curled into a faint smile.
“I’m in such a difficult position here, yet you’re smiling…?”
“I like that you’re troubled because of me.”
Maintaining her small smile, she gently touched her wrist.
“You don’t have to force yourself to accept my feelings. You can reject me, like before. Just… please, don’t hate me.”
A silence fell. Though the cold wind brushed against their skin, neither of them felt the chill.
“I intend to give up the position of Crown Princess, as you said. I will sever ties with my family and break off the engagement… I will no longer live as Rudella Bismarck, but simply as Rudella.”
Her voice was resolute, but sorrow shimmered in her eyes. For Rudella, the life of nobility was not simply a luxurious lifestyle.
It was everything she had, and at the same time, the chains that bound her.
“I agonized over this for a long time. Can I really give up everything? Is this truly the right choice?”
Rudella tilted her head upward to look at the sky. Snowflakes fell on her face and melted away instantly.
“But after meeting you, I realized—I no longer want to live like a puppet.”
It was a decision made after long deliberation. She would give up her noble life, her wealth, and her privilege. She would never again live in luxury.
But that didn’t matter.
A life of impoverished freedom was more valuable than being a wealthy puppet.
“Even so, I…”
“I know.”
“Yet you still made such a decision?”
“Yes. Because that’s not what’s important.”
Rudella smiled faintly as she looked at Yohan.
“This is a choice I made for myself. For my life, it’s my decision. All you need to do is watch over the path I’ve chosen.”
Yohan’s expression grew increasingly complicated. Various emotions and thoughts collided, his rationality blocking him further, leaving him confused.
“I don’t expect much from you. Just… meeting with me from time to time and sharing a conversation would be enough.”
From the beginning, Rudella knew this love could not come to fruition. Because of that, she had no expectations. She desired deeply but did not wait.
There was a time when, driven by fleeting impulse, she had become greedy… but through that moment, she was able to grow.
“…Will you grant me my final wish?”
Rudella slowly lifted her head to meet Yohan’s gaze. Her sky-blue eyes trembled faintly. Her hand repeatedly clenched and unclenched, expressing her unease.
“That, I can do easily, but…”
A discomfort settled in Yohan’s heart. It was true he wanted Rudella to live her own life, but he didn’t want the reason or center of her decision to be him.
Rudella claimed it was for her own life and her future, but in truth, Yohan’s influence was likely far greater.
“There’s worry written all over your face.”
Her lips curled into a faint smile. The gaze that had always avoided his now looked directly at him.
“You have nothing to worry about. This is my decision—my life and my choice.”
The cold air seeped deep into his lungs. Each exhaled breath hung in the air like a white mist, clear and unmistakable.
“Of course, things won’t go smoothly. I know the Crown Prince’s secrets—things I shouldn’t know. But that is something I’ll have to bear.”
Rudella was gambling her life for freedom, fully aware of the danger.
This was… problematic.
“…Hearing that, I can’t just stand by and do nothing.”
“Then what will you do? Will you accept my heart and protect me?”
She tilted her head slightly, her long silver hair cascading gently over her shoulder.
“If you were to accept my feelings, I wouldn’t mind being second. Even if I came after Lady Fervache, I wouldn’t succumb to jealousy or resentment.”
Yohan took a deep breath, locking eyes with her. Her steadfast gaze made it clear this wasn’t just idle talk.
“That’s impossible…”
“It’s possible.”
Rudella smiled softly, closing her eyes.
“Even Lady Francia wouldn’t be able to refuse my proposal once she hears it.”
It was no secret in high society that Crown Prince Fedelian showed great interest and favor toward Lady Fervache.
Although suppressed by the Bismarck family, the Senate had strongly supported her as the next Crown Princess.
Lady Fervache must be incredibly troubled—already tied to someone she loved yet being pressured into a union she didn’t want.
But if Rudella had the perfect card to completely bring down the troublesome Crown Prince Fedelian?
Even Lady Fervache wouldn’t easily resist the temptation.
“What do you think? If you accept my feelings, if you agree to love me as second, I will do everything I can to persuade Lady Fervache.”
“……”
Yohan pressed his lips into a thin line. If things continued like this, Rudella was bound to end up in danger. There was no way the Crown Prince would leave her be.
Even when they were engaged, he had tried to eliminate them both through an ambush. If she were no longer the Bismarck family’s heir or the Crown Princess-to-be, she would disappear without a trace.
If he didn’t help her, she would have to shoulder all of this on her own.
And in the end… her life might end in tragedy before she could ever achieve freedom.
If he just stood by and let that happen, he knew he would regret it for the rest of his life.
“…If I don’t protect you, there’s no one else who will.”
Yohan exhaled deeply. Was this the right choice?
His heart still belonged to Francia, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn away from Rudella.
“If I’ve changed your life, then I must bear the responsibility that comes with it.”
Even so, he couldn’t simply watch her step into the fire alone.
“You’ve decided to live your own life, so I will help you with that choice.”
This was the only decision he could make for now. Yohan let out another deep breath. A white mist escaped his lips and clouding his vision.
“As for accepting your heart… I honestly don’t know yet. Even if you say you love me, I still don’t know how I feel.”
He needed time to sort out his emotions.
“…You’re free to try and convince me.”
Rudella bowed her head, smiling faintly.
“I will do as you wish.”
The snow that had gathered on her shoulders slowly fell, breaking apart underfoot. In the dim moonlight, her shadow stretched long across the ground.
“For now, it’s enough that you look at me like this.”
Her voice was calm, but there was a wistful light lingering in her pale blue eyes.