Episode 35: Irresistible Desire
The tone of her voice, asking him to visit the Topaz Palace, was calm, but there was an unmistakable tremor in it.
The stillness as she waited for Yohan’s reply only tightened her chest further.
“Is there something in particular you’d like to say?”
Yohan tilted his head as he asked, unable to grasp Rudella’s intentions. There hadn’t been any particular reason for her to invite him, after all.
“W-well, um, it’s just that… You risked your life to save me, and it feels wrong not to offer you something in return. So, would you… come to the Topaz Palace?”
Rudella’s voice faltered as she stumbled over her words, her tone growing quieter by the moment.
“Well… sure. I don’t have much to do other than training anyway.”
When he agreed, Rudella’s face lit up instantly. She wanted to break into a wide smile right then, but the situation didn’t permit it, so she held back with all her might.
“T-then, I shall guide you to the Topaz Palace.”
She turned abruptly, her glossy silver hair swaying, and the tips of her ears visibly turned bright red.
“Understood.”
Yohan straightened his attire and followed Rudella and her attendants.
The distance from the imperial palace to the Topaz Palace where she resided was quite far.
Passing through the shimmering golden corridors of the palace, they eventually reached a large garden. It was filled with lilies everywhere.
Yohan remarked, “There seem to be an unusually large number of lilies in the garden. Lady Bismarck, you must like lilies. Since your garden is so full of them, I assume you manage it personally.”
He had guessed her fondness for lilies from the fragrance he had noticed when they were together in the cave. It was a flower that suited Rudella perfectly.
“Indeed. I thought it was a flower that went well with me—someone with snow-white silver hair.”
Even as she responded, Rudella avoided looking at Yohan. Her rapidly beating heart had yet to calm down.
“…But, how did you know I manage the garden myself?”
“Typically, such duties are handled by Her Majesty the Empress or Her Highness the Crown Princess.”
In noble society, tending to the estate’s garden and exterior was often the lady’s responsibility. Yohan didn’t know why, but that was what he had been taught.
Since it wasn’t particularly significant, he’d simply thought, Oh, so that’s how it is.
“Indeed. Before I became the Crown Princess, Her Majesty the Empress gave me all sorts of tasks, saying I needed to attend various lessons. Managing the garden was one of them.”
As the conversation continued, Rudella’s nervous trembling subsided. She knew that looking at Yohan’s face would make her heart race again, but for now, she was relieved she wasn’t showing any odd behavior while they walked.
“It must be tiring for you, handling various public affairs while also managing such meticulous tasks.”
“It’s not that exhausting. I’ve been used to such schedules since I was a child.”
At Yohan’s concerned tone, a small smile spread across Rudella’s lips.
She wondered, Why do I find myself so easily swayed by this man’s words? But she decided not to dwell on it.
She wanted to savor this moment.
“We’ve arrived. This is the Topaz Palace.”
Yohan looked up. Was it because it had been the residence of Crown Princesses? Its exterior was truly magnificent.
The palace gleamed with golden and pale orange hues, its arched windows intricately engraved with floral patterns that sparkled like jewels in the sunlight.
The area surrounding the palace was in full bloom, filled with lilies that seemed to reflect Rudella’s preferences. In the center of the garden, a grand fountain cast soft sprays of water into the air, shimmering gently in the sunlight.
“What do you think of the Topaz Palace?”
Rudella turned slightly, glancing back as she asked. She wanted to gauge Yohan’s reaction, even though she still couldn’t bring herself to look directly at his face.
“It’s magnificent. Do you always live here?”
“Yes, though I am not the Crown Princess yet, I will be soon.”
She stopped abruptly after speaking, her words lingering. The part where she said she would soon be the Crown Princess caught her off guard.
“I see. The palace is as beautiful as Lady Bismarck herself.”
Yohan said with a faint smile. His gaze was fixed entirely on the Topaz Palace, but Rudella felt as though her heart had stopped.
Did he just call me beautiful?
Those words struck her like an arrow piercing her heart. She tried to respond, but no words came out—only her lips moved faintly.
“Shall we go in?”
Yohan tilted his head curiously. The two of them were standing idly in front of the palace.
“Ah, my apologies. I was lost in thought. Let’s go in at once.”
Rudella smiled awkwardly and led Yohan into the Topaz Palace.
Though it might have seemed unusual for her to bring an unrelated man into the palace, it didn’t draw much attention. She had a legitimate reason: repaying the man who had saved her life.
The interior of the palace was a blend of antique furniture and topaz accents, exuding the elegance befitting the Crown Princess.
Deeper inside were her personal spaces—a reception room and a study—with windows overlooking the serene garden, adding a calming atmosphere.
“Please, have a seat.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Yohan sat on a plush sofa in the reception room. The softness enveloped him, bringing a sense of relaxation.
The furniture here is quite luxurious.
It was on par with the furnishings of the Fervache mansion. No, it would be strange if it were any less. This was the Topaz Palace, after all, the residence of the future Crown Princess.
“M-Make yourself comfortable.”
“I am comfortable, thank you.”
“Oh… is that so?”
Rudella fidgeted nervously, shifting her gaze around like an anxious puppy. She had brought him here on a whim, not knowing when she’d get another chance to see him again. But now that he was sitting right in front of her, she had no idea what to do next.
“By the way, it seems you’ve taken my advice to heart.”
Yohan said, his tone light as he glanced around the reception room.
“What advice do you mean?”
“I told you to take it easy now and then. Inviting someone for a conversation like this is a good way to relax.”
“I see… so this is what it means to take it easy.”
Rudella muttered, nodding as if in understanding. She hadn’t quite grasped what he had meant back then, but now she did.
“If you focus solely on your duties, fatigue builds up, and fatigue leads to stress. Without proper care, it could affect your health.”
Yohan said, sounding almost like he was lecturing her.
Rudella’s lips curved into a small smile. She didn’t mind anything he said; after all, every word was filled with concern for her well-being.
“I’ll be more careful.”
After offering him a gentle smile, Rudella rang the small bell on the corner of the reception table. In moments, an attendant entered the room and bowed.
She turned to Yohan.
“Do you have a preference for tea?”
“As long as it’s not too sweet, I can enjoy anything.”
“I see.”
With just a glance from Rudella, the attendant understood and quietly left the room.
Yohan couldn’t help but chuckle at how this, too, felt like something only Rudella would do.
“…Was there something strange just now?”
“No, not at all. I just thought this felt very… Lady Bismarck-like.”
“Me? Like myself…?”
Rudella tilted her head slightly, clearly not understanding what Yohan meant.
“The rigid atmosphere and your efficiency in handling matters—it seems to suit you perfectly.”
At the mention of a “rigid atmosphere,” Rudella cautiously asked,
“Am I… rigid?”
“Well, I wouldn’t call you soft.”
“Hm.”
Perhaps interpreting it as criticism, Rudella touched her chin and frowned slightly. Even this action, however, was imbued with elegance, prompting Yohan to avert his gaze.
“It’s not a bad thing. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses—it’s simply a characteristic.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
Rudella nodded with a face full of interest. Being around him always felt unfamiliar—probably because he often said things she wasn’t used to hearing.
At that moment, there was a knock on the drawing room door. Three precise knocks echoed, and a servant entered with a tea cart.
“I will prepare the tea.”
The servant moved with practiced grace, brewing the tea and placing steaming cups before Rudella and Yohan. With just a glance from Rudella, the servant promptly exited the room.
“The servants seem to understand Lady Bismarck’s intentions with just a look.”
“They’ve been with me since my time in the Bismarck estate.”
Saying so, she lifted her teacup and inhaled the fragrance. The sweet floral aroma mixed with the lily scent that always surrounded Rudella, filling Yohan’s senses.
“But, may I ask something?”
“What is it?”
“Why have you been avoiding eye contact since earlier?”
“……”
When Yohan tilted his head curiously, Rudella turned her face away entirely.
“Is my face unpleasant to look at?”
“That… That’s not it…”
Rudella felt as though she was being consumed by uncontrollable emotions. Whenever she looked at Yohan’s face, her heart raced uncontrollably. Just a single glance from him sent a whirlwind of emotions through her.
Longing, desire, restraint, fear. These four emotions swirled together into a complex knot, leaving Rudella to sip her tea as a distraction.
“You seemed fine before we went to all of Sanburk.”
“……”
“You’ve avoided my gaze ever since we hid in the cave.”
“……”
Though Yohan kept talking, Rudella only gave slight nods without responding. She couldn’t.
Yohan thought to himself,
Could it be…
Could Rudella Bismarck, as Francia had hinted, harbor feelings for him that went beyond mere fondness? It wasn’t impossible, but…
It’s strange.
She was destined to become the Crown Princess. That was a structure built long ago, a goal that would not waver.
And yet, could such a structure collapse in an instant, replaced by feelings for him? It was difficult to believe. It didn’t make sense.
If it’s true, the incident in the cave might have been the trigger.
What had he done back then? All he did was try to lighten the mood so his escortee wouldn’t feel uneasy. He’d also given her some advice, worried her life might fall apart otherwise.
Women’s hearts were still a mystery to him…
“It’s about time. I should be going now.”
Judging that he shouldn’t spend any more time with Rudella, Yohan checked his watch and stood up.
“So soon? But I haven’t even properly repaid you yet…”
“A cup of tea is repayment enough.”
Yohan smiled faintly, causing Rudella to gasp softly once again.
“No need to see me off. I’m sure Lady Bismarck has plenty to do. Thank you for today.”
“Wait—”
As he turned to leave, Rudella’s hand instinctively reached out to stop him but froze mid-air. In the end, Johan walked away, decisively cutting things short.
***
After Yohan left, Rudella remained seated in the drawing room for quite some time.
The room was quiet, bathed in a warm glow of light, but Rudella’s heart pounded furiously, mocking her attempts to stay composed.
Her desires and longing for him grew stronger, spiraling out of control and refusing to be suppressed.
These were feelings she wasn’t supposed to harbor, desires she wasn’t allowed to crave.
How troublesome…
Rudella pressed a hand to her forehead and tightly closed her eyes.
She had intended to savor just a fleeting sweetness while in his company, but that fleeting moment had transformed into a longing for eternity.
A smile that took her breath away.
Words and actions that made her heart race.
The care he showed her.
There wasn’t a single thing about him that she didn’t find captivating.
But it couldn’t be.
He already had a lover.
She was destined to become the Crown Princess.
They could never be anything special to each other.
And yet, for some reason…
She found herself unable to suppress the inappropriate desires that kept bubbling up from the depths of her heart.
Rudella placed a hand over her chest and took a deep breath. Even so, the image of Yohan’s earlier smile refused to leave her mind.
That smile had been extraordinary. Like the soft glow of moonlight, it had imprinted itself deeply in her thoughts, refusing to fade even when she closed her eyes.
The mere presence of Yohan had sent ripples through the depths of her heart, leaving a lasting tremor behind.
This is troublesome…
Rudella agonized over the emotions she could no longer suppress.
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